Briefing April 2001  by the Bishop of Hexham & Newcastle Separation and divorce

 
As many of you know only too well, there has been in recent years a dramatic increase in the number of failed marriages. It is a trend that is found among Catholics also. Parents who have persevered through many difficulties are bewildered to find their married children betrayed and abandoned even in the early years of marriage. The pain of divorce spreads beyond the couple concerned to touch their children, their families and all who support and care for them. It is a sadness that affects all our parishes.

During the millennium year 2000 the Holy Father asked us to bring to life again the principles behind the celebration of a Jubilee in the Old Testament. These principles - 'the cancellation of debts, the freeing of slaves,' – foreshadow the call central in the gospel to justice and forgiveness. I ask you to think of how we might apply these principles to those members of our diocese who are separated and divorced and who feel rejected by the Church.

Even for those who are strong, divorce is a crushing experience. Hopes founder, dreams are dashed, the meaning and joy of life drain away. Loneliness is itself a sorrow that is hard to bear, as many widowed people know only too well. In addition to loneliness there is the shame of failure, the isolation of being no longer part of a couple, the burden of bringing up a family and coping with practical problems alone.

Beyond this - sometimes the last straw that breaks the camel's back - is the lack of sympathy and compassion which some have found when they sought help and counsel in the Church. They were stung by misunderstandings and by self-righteous judgements made by fellow Christians, even by those who are ministers and priests in the Church.

To those of you who have experienced these things, I express on behalf of the Church regret and repentance, and I ask your forgiveness. You have been sinned against and what has been done against you has been done against Jesus Christ - 'in so far as you did this to the least of my little ones, you did it to me' (Matthew 25:40). I hope and pray that all who have pastoral responsibility in the Church will take to heart the words which the Holy Father spoke at York in 1982:

'We must reach out with love - the love of Christ - to those who know the pain of failure in marriage; to those who know the loneliness of bringing up a family on their own; to those whose family life is dominated by tragedy. ... I praise all those who help people wounded by the breakdown of their marriage, by showing them Christ's compassion and counselling them according to Christ's truth.'

Failure to do so may arise from lack of sympathy and understanding. It is important to remember that many divorced people are innocent victims. And where the breakdown is the result of persistent infidelity or other unloving  behaviour, Christ's complete forgiveness is always available in the sacrament of reconciliation. Divorce is not an impediment to full and active membership of the Church. The divorced are always welcome in the life of the Church. They need our prayers, our support and our love more than ever.

The reasons behind marriage breakdowns are varied and complex. No-one imagines that all cases can be led down a single path to a neat and tidy outcome. Broken marriages are part of the life of the Church and here too there is no magic wand to be waved. But within the life of the Church these problems are more open to the healing power of God's grace.

From my heart I speak to you who through separation and divorce feel yourselves cut off from the life of the Church. I recognise the pain you suffer and speak to you as wounded members of the Body of Christ. We are all bound together in the communion of God's love. I ask you to remain in it or return to it so that your sufferings may become part of our common burden. Together we will find a solution to your problems and healing for your pain.